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Childhood anxiety: what it looks like and when a parent should step in

A child’s anxiety rarely says “I’m anxious” in words. It speaks through a stomach ache before school, tears over something small, “what if you don’t come for me”, checking things ten times over, sudden “laziness”, meltdowns out of nowhere. The parent sees the behaviour — and fights the behaviour, not the anxiety underneath it.

  • Lyudmila Chernysheva, psychologist and hypnotherapist
  • Updated: September 27, 2026
A child’s rucksack by the door in the morning light

What is normal for their age and what is not

All children have fears, and every age has its own: the dark and monsters for preschoolers, marks and “what will they think” for school-age children, the future and “who am I” for teenagers[1]. The question is not whether the fear is there but what it costs: whether it gets in the way of sleep, school, friendships or trying new things[1]. If a fear has been narrowing a child’s life for weeks, it is not worth counting on them to “grow out of it” on their own[1].

What makes anxiety stronger

Dismissing it (“of all the things to be scared of”), shaming (“you’re a big kid now, and you’re scared?”), passing your own anxiety on to them (children of anxious parents are at higher risk of anxiety — heredity and what a child learns by watching the adults are intertwined here[2]) and overprotection. Every time we clear everything frightening out of the child’s way, we confirm the message: “you can’t cope on your own”[3]. And accommodating the anxiety: cancelling a trip, sitting with the child until they fall asleep, answering the same “what ifs” again and again.

What helps

Name it and normalise it: “it looks like you’re worried — that happens”. Separate the fear from the fact: “what’s the worst that could happen, and how likely do you think that is?” The point is to explore it together, not to argue[1]. Small steps towards the fear with an adult alongside[1]. And the parent’s part: in a randomised trial, a programme for parents (SPACE), in which adults learn to support the child and not to accommodate their anxiety, proved no less effective than CBT with the child themselves[4].

When to see a specialist

Anxiety that lasts longer than a month or two, refusing to go to school, physical symptoms with no medical cause, compulsive rituals[1]. Straight away, without waiting a month: panic attacks, self-harm, talk of death. Physical complaints — first to the paediatrician, to rule out a medical cause. We start with a meeting for the parents, without the child — often that meeting alone already changes the picture.

Sources

  1. Walter H.J., Bukstein O.G., Abright A.R., et al. (2020). Clinical Practice Guideline for the Assessment and Treatment of Children and Adolescents With Anxiety Disorders. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, DOI 10.1016/j.jaac.2020.05.005
  2. Lawrence P.J., Murayama K., Creswell C. (2019). Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis: Anxiety and Depressive Disorders in Offspring of Parents With Anxiety Disorders. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, DOI 10.1016/j.jaac.2018.07.898
  3. McLeod B.D., Wood J.J., Weisz J.R. (2007). Examining the association between parenting and childhood anxiety: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, DOI 10.1016/j.cpr.2006.09.002
  4. Lebowitz E.R., Marin C., Martino A., et al. (2020). Parent-Based Treatment as Efficacious as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Childhood Anxiety: A Randomized Noninferiority Study of Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, DOI 10.1016/j.jaac.2019.02.014

The limits of this article

This article is for information only: it does not replace a consultation or a doctor's help.

If you feel very bad right now — in Kazakhstan call 112 or 103; free round-the-clock psychological help — 1303 (Almaty).

If you are unsure who to start with — the child or yourself — the first conversation can be held with the adult alone, and together we can choose a gentle format.

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