--- title: "Couples test online — free, 18 questions, instant result" description: "A free test for couples: 18 questions about whether you hear each other, how you talk, make up and spend time together. Instant result with a four-area profile." url: https://manasiway.com/en/tests/hearing-each-other/ lang: en updated: 2026-09-29 tokens: 2079 --- # Do you hear each other? 18 statements about how the two of you hear each other, talk, make up and spend time together. Answer the way you see it — about the last two weeks and as things really are: there are no right answers. Your result with a profile by four areas appears straight away. - 18 questions - about 5 minutes - answers never leave your browser Answers are processed in your browser only: they are never sent to the site and they disappear when you refresh the page. If you feel very bad right now and have thoughts of harming yourself, or that you would be better off not living, do not wait for an appointment. Contact your local emergency service. In Kazakhstan — 112 or 103; free round-the-clock psychological help — 1303 (Almaty). In another country, call your local emergency number. 1. When my partner is telling me something, I listen with half an ear and carry on with what I was doing. How often has this been true over the last two weeks? Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 2. I notice when my partner is looking for my attention and respond, even in the middle of something. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 3. I find it hard to say what is making my partner happy and what is worrying them right now. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 4. I interrupt my partner or finish their sentences before they have finished. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 5. I open a difficult conversation with a reproach or with generalisations like “always” and “never”. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 6. When my partner tells me something has hurt them, my first move is to justify myself or answer with a complaint of my own. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 7. In an argument I slip into mockery, eye-rolling or hurtful generalisations about my partner's character. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 8. I put off an important conversation because I already know how it will end. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 9. I keep my grievances to myself, and then they all come out at once. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 10. When a conversation heats up, I go quiet and withdraw into myself, and that is where it ends. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 11. After an argument we act as if nothing happened and never come back to talk about it. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 12. We come back to a conversation that turned harsh and finish it calmly. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 13. After an argument I hold on to the hurt for a long time and do not make the first move. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 14. I feel lonely even when we are together. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 15. In the evening the phone or a TV show turns out to be more interesting than talking to each other. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 16. We have time together with no purpose or use — simply to be with each other. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 17. Our conversations come down to chores and logistics: who, where, what to buy. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always 18. Days go by without the two of us laughing together about something of our own. Almost never / Sometimes / Often / Almost always Over the last two weeks, have you had thoughts of harming yourself, or that you would be better off not living? Only you can see this answer, and it is not counted in the score. This question is the same in every test: it is about safety, not the topic of the test, and it is asked out of care, not for diagnosis. No / Rarely / Often / I'd rather not say This is an author-made self-observation checklist, not a validated instrument and not a medical assessment. It does not diagnose anything and does not replace a consultation with a specialist. ## What this is based on The checklist draws on the work of John Gottman: the “four horsemen” of conflict (criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling), responsiveness to a partner's everyday bids for attention, and attempts at repair after arguments — as well as on the model of intimacy as a process of “opening up and being responded to” (Laurenceau, Barrett, Rovine, 2005). The wording of the statements is original; no item is copied from any existing questionnaire. This is self-observation, not a validated instrument: the total of 0–54 is divided into four bands — from live contact to a conversation that has almost stopped — and shows your side of the picture over the last two weeks. ### Sources 1. Gottman J.M. (1993). A theory of marital dissolution and stability. *Journal of Family Psychology*. [DOI 10.1037/0893-3200.7.1.57](https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.7.1.57) 2. Gottman J.M., Coan J., Carrère S., Swanson C. (1998). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. *Journal of Marriage and the Family*. [DOI 10.2307/353438](https://doi.org/10.2307/353438) 3. Driver J.L., Gottman J.M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during marital conflict among newlywed couples. *Family Process*. [DOI 10.1111/j.1545-5300.2004.00024.x](https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2004.00024.x) 4. Laurenceau J.-P., Barrett L.F., Rovine M.J. (2005). The interpersonal process model of intimacy in marriage: A daily-diary and multilevel modeling approach. *Journal of Family Psychology*. [DOI 10.1037/0893-3200.19.2.314](https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.19.2.314) 5. Roddy M.K., Walsh L.M., Rothman K., Hatch S.G., Doss B.D. (2020). Meta-analysis of couple therapy: Effects across outcomes, designs, timeframes, and other moderators. *Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology*. [DOI 10.1037/ccp0000514](https://doi.org/10.1037/ccp0000514) ## Would you like to get your conversations back, without the arguments? At a session for the couple we look at where contact breaks and agree on steps that can be tested in an ordinary week [Book a session](https://manasiway.com/en/booking/) ## Worth reading - [Why couples argue in circles](https://manasiway.com/en/articles/why-couples-argue-in-circles/) — A repeating argument has a script, and the script is stronger than any trigger. - [Silence in a couple](https://manasiway.com/en/articles/silence-in-a-couple/) — Two kinds of silence look alike from the outside; from the inside there is no mistaking them. Three questions to tell them apart. - [Alone or together](https://manasiway.com/en/articles/alone-or-together/) — “My partner won’t come” is not a dead end. When to come as a couple, and when to come alone. ## See also - [Tests](https://manasiway.com/en/tests/) — all tests in one place - [Couples and family therapy](https://manasiway.com/en/family-therapy/) — how work with a couple or family goes - [Audio practices](https://manasiway.com/en/programs/) — hypnomeditations and recordings - [Contacts](https://manasiway.com/en/contacts/) — how to get in touch and book --- HTML version: https://manasiway.com/en/tests/hearing-each-other/ · Booking: https://manasiway.com/en/booking/ · WhatsApp: https://wa.me/77025360139 · Telegram: https://t.me/Lyudmila_manasiway